Excel TV ExcelTV
Excel Tips & Tricks

Excel Fortune Cookie (…in bed?)

image

Here’s a fun little fortune cookie program. The fortunes are generated from a list of random words. I developed four different grammars for the fortunes, which you can find in the backend data. (Is “grammars” the right word? I’m not sure.) Some of the fortunes, like the one above, seem to make sense. Here are a few I’ve captured, which appear thoughtful and humorous, perhaps even poetic.

  • The ugliest way finds evil.
  • If you satisfy this empty girl generously, you are the one who … does it even matter?.
  • Who wants the answer to be 42? The mammoth formula does!
  • Who finds true love? The beautiful water does!
  • The easy government gives up now.
  • Want the story now? Reluctantly face your family.

Most fortunes, however, come out as nonsense. For example:

  • Want the head now? Frenetically melt the day.

That’s great advice.

Feeling lucky? You should.

Fortune Cookie.xlsx (If the file doesn’t download immediately from Google drive, press the black down arrow in the upper left of the screen, under the menu.)

Written by

Jordan Goldmeier
Jordan GoldmeierCo-founder, Excel TVFormer Adjunct Instructor, Wake Forest University

Consultant, Anarchy Data · Instructor, Full Stack Modeller

  • Excel
  • Financial Modeling
  • Data Visualization
  • Analytics
Jordan Goldmeier is an accomplished data professional with a wealth of experience across various industries. He currently serves as a consultant at Anarchy Data, where he assists businesses in maximizing the capabilities of Excel for financial planning and analysis. Jordan is also an instructor at Full Stack Modeller and a former Adjunct Instructor in Analytics at Wake Forest University. His extensive career has seen him hold positions as the Chief Operations Officer at Excel.TV, Data Science Manager at DataKind, Data Scientist at Dealer Tire and EY, Analytics & Data Vis Developer at The Perduco Group, and Operations Research Analyst at Booz Allen Hamilton. Jordan's background in data analytics and his passion for Excel make him a valuable resource for businesses seeking to improve their data-driven decision-making processes.

Read more articles by Jordan Goldmeier

Editorial standards

Fact Checking & Editorial Guidelines

Every article on Excel TV is held to a published editorial standard. The goal: accurate, current, and useful — without filler.

  1. Expert review. Drafts on technical Excel topics are reviewed by a contributor with hands-on, working knowledge of the feature being covered.
  2. Source validation. Claims about Excel behavior are tested in current Microsoft 365 builds. Third-party product claims are sourced from the vendor's own documentation.
  3. Disclosure. Affiliate links, sponsorships, and any commercial relationships that influenced a piece are disclosed in-line and at the foot of the article.
  4. Updates. Articles are revisited when Microsoft ships changes that affect the content. The most recent revision date is shown on every post.

Spot a problem? Email editor@excel.tv and we will look at it.

Subject-matter review

Reviewed by Subject Matter Experts

Technical Excel articles are reviewed by contributors with verifiable, hands-on experience in the topic — not generalist editors.

  • Qualified reviewers. Reviewers include Microsoft Excel MVPs, working business-intelligence practitioners, and Excel TV editorial staff. See each author's page for credentials.
  • Current to a known Excel build. Procedural articles state which Excel version they were validated against. Where Microsoft has since changed behavior, the article carries an inline update note.
  • Clarity check. Reviewers verify steps are reproducible by a reader at the assumed skill level — not just technically correct in a vacuum.

Want to contribute or review for Excel TV? See the about page.

Comments (4)

Historical comments preserved from the WordPress archive. Commenting is no longer active.

  1. Anonymous

    I created some things, years ago, in PenCell 2.0 (an app on my Sharp PDA).One was "Miss Cleo Says…", a fortune telling program; one was "Magic 8 Ball", with the randomized answers you know and love (plus a few extras); and a "Marvin's Advice" – I too, am a Douglas Addams fan).~Doug

  2. Anonymous

    Oh, and one was a fortune cookie version, or course.~Doug

  3. Doug Glancy

    Hey, I can comment!

    1. Jordan G

      I know. It’s a miracle!